Gus Frerotte and Trent Dilfer are both starting this weekend.
Frerotte may face off against Kurt Warner.
The Cowboys and Packers are undefeated.
The Mets are a colossal disappointment.
The Spice Girls are touring.
What decade is this???
Thursday, October 4, 2007
I Ain't Sayin' She A Gold Digger...
This is harsh.
The Sun-Times is reporting that Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs is being sued by the mother of his three-week-old baby for child support.
The thing is: The mother and her lawyer admit that Briggs so far has been a great parent and provider. He's been more than supportive. The lawyer stated that there is no animosity, it's supposedly just all about guaranteeing the future welfare of the child.
And did I mention that the baby is only THREE WEEKS OLD!?!
I can't help but get this image in my head of an old Tex Avery-style cartoon: As soon as she found out she was pregnant, dollar sign tabs rang up from her eyes and a cash drawer sprang from her mouth along with the "ca-ching!" sound effect.
Oh...and the baby mama name is Brittini Tribbett. If her name is ever a clue on "Wheel of Fortune", wait until you hit the big money spin to guess the letter "t".
(And if you're ever on "Wheel of Fortune" and buy a vowel, you're an idiot. And if you watch "Wheel of Fortune", you're an idiot.)
The Sun-Times is reporting that Chicago Bears linebacker Lance Briggs is being sued by the mother of his three-week-old baby for child support.
The thing is: The mother and her lawyer admit that Briggs so far has been a great parent and provider. He's been more than supportive. The lawyer stated that there is no animosity, it's supposedly just all about guaranteeing the future welfare of the child.And did I mention that the baby is only THREE WEEKS OLD!?!
I can't help but get this image in my head of an old Tex Avery-style cartoon: As soon as she found out she was pregnant, dollar sign tabs rang up from her eyes and a cash drawer sprang from her mouth along with the "ca-ching!" sound effect.
Oh...and the baby mama name is Brittini Tribbett. If her name is ever a clue on "Wheel of Fortune", wait until you hit the big money spin to guess the letter "t".
(And if you're ever on "Wheel of Fortune" and buy a vowel, you're an idiot. And if you watch "Wheel of Fortune", you're an idiot.)
Monday, October 1, 2007
Monday Morning Quarterback
In Brian Griese, the Chicago Bears may have finally found their next Mike Tomczak.
As Dan Marino gets older and his records continue to fall, he will slowly evolve into one of those more known for being IN commercials than for WHY he's in commercials. Like Dick Butkus and Bob Uecker before him.
Donovan McNabb will never be as good as everyone wants him to be and his selfish desire to be the only one in the spotlight will keep the Eagles from ever having another marquee player on the team while he's there. (See: Owens, Terrell; Garcia, Jeff). And his clothing line sucks!
Watching Kurt Warner step in for Matt Leinart in Arizona is like watching a kid sitting on his dad's lap in the car and thinking he's actually driving. Maybe one day, Leinart will be big enough to reach the pedals on his own.
Norv Turner (career coaching record 59-85-1) continues to single-handedly dismantle the San Diego Chargers. Somewhere, Ryan Leaf is laughing.
The Dallas Cowboys are so good, it's almost like they're smoking crack again!
Other sports...
With the regular season now over, Barry Bonds has reverted to his human form, mild-mannered scientist Bruce Banner.
LeBron James' wooden performance and extreme reliance on cue cards helped him to blend in perfectly with the cast of "Saturday Night Live".
The Mets collapse was self-inflicted. They just really didn't want to miss the premiere of "Cavemen" Tuesday on ABC.
As Dan Marino gets older and his records continue to fall, he will slowly evolve into one of those more known for being IN commercials than for WHY he's in commercials. Like Dick Butkus and Bob Uecker before him.
Donovan McNabb will never be as good as everyone wants him to be and his selfish desire to be the only one in the spotlight will keep the Eagles from ever having another marquee player on the team while he's there. (See: Owens, Terrell; Garcia, Jeff). And his clothing line sucks!
Watching Kurt Warner step in for Matt Leinart in Arizona is like watching a kid sitting on his dad's lap in the car and thinking he's actually driving. Maybe one day, Leinart will be big enough to reach the pedals on his own.
Norv Turner (career coaching record 59-85-1) continues to single-handedly dismantle the San Diego Chargers. Somewhere, Ryan Leaf is laughing.
The Dallas Cowboys are so good, it's almost like they're smoking crack again!
Other sports...
With the regular season now over, Barry Bonds has reverted to his human form, mild-mannered scientist Bruce Banner.
LeBron James' wooden performance and extreme reliance on cue cards helped him to blend in perfectly with the cast of "Saturday Night Live".
The Mets collapse was self-inflicted. They just really didn't want to miss the premiere of "Cavemen" Tuesday on ABC.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Isiah Thomas Continues Elaborate Ruse
In his continuing efforts to prove he's not gay, New York Knicks coach Isiah Thomas testified that he never cursed at a fired team executive who has accused him of sexual harassment.
As part of his extremely complicated effort to disprove any allegations of homosexuality, Thomas spent his second day on the witness stand in federal court, where he has orchestrated a lawsuit by a female former Knicks employee for $10 million. In the sham suit, Thomas is accused of routinely using vulgar language in front of her and towards her, as well as making unwanted sexual advances.
The trial is expected to wrap by the middle of next week.
Regardless of the outcome, Thomas is expected to remain firmly on the down-low.
As part of his extremely complicated effort to disprove any allegations of homosexuality, Thomas spent his second day on the witness stand in federal court, where he has orchestrated a lawsuit by a female former Knicks employee for $10 million. In the sham suit, Thomas is accused of routinely using vulgar language in front of her and towards her, as well as making unwanted sexual advances.
The trial is expected to wrap by the middle of next week.
Regardless of the outcome, Thomas is expected to remain firmly on the down-low.
The Monologue
Umpire Mike Winters was suspended by Major League Baseball for the remainder of the regular season because of his confrontation with San Diego's Milton Bradley...
...Still no word on how he'll be punished for his fight with the Parker Brothers.
Barry Bonds has tested positive for Floyd Landis.
The Cincinatti Bengals are marketing exclusive team license plates...
...The plates are made in prison by former Cincinatti Bengals.
To celebrate the upcoming Women's World Cup soccer tournament, Adidas will donate one dollar to charity every time a goal is scored...
...They hope to raise as much as 6 dollars.
Ken Griffey Jr. has been reactivated but will probably be back on the disabled list by the end of this joke.
In WNBA news, the Minnesota Lynx traded Seimone Augusts to the LA Sparks last week for a first round pick and the first season of "The L Word" on DVD.
Roger Clemens is already in negotiations for next season...
...Word is he's trying to work out a deal where he can pitch from home.
Training camp is about to begin for 2007 Stanley Cup champions, The Mighty Ducks...
...And the pressure to repeat is already getting coach Emilio Estevez.
According to the Oregon Research Institute, people over the age of 65 who need exercise should participate in Tai Chi...
...Either that, or play for the Spurs.
Four people in Los Angeles were charged with taking money from immigrants and staging fake naturalization ceremonies...
...Most of the victims were Koreans, Filipinos, and short stops.
...Still no word on how he'll be punished for his fight with the Parker Brothers.
Barry Bonds has tested positive for Floyd Landis.
The Cincinatti Bengals are marketing exclusive team license plates...
...The plates are made in prison by former Cincinatti Bengals.
To celebrate the upcoming Women's World Cup soccer tournament, Adidas will donate one dollar to charity every time a goal is scored...
...They hope to raise as much as 6 dollars.
Ken Griffey Jr. has been reactivated but will probably be back on the disabled list by the end of this joke.
In WNBA news, the Minnesota Lynx traded Seimone Augusts to the LA Sparks last week for a first round pick and the first season of "The L Word" on DVD.
Roger Clemens is already in negotiations for next season...
...Word is he's trying to work out a deal where he can pitch from home.
Training camp is about to begin for 2007 Stanley Cup champions, The Mighty Ducks...
...And the pressure to repeat is already getting coach Emilio Estevez.
According to the Oregon Research Institute, people over the age of 65 who need exercise should participate in Tai Chi...
...Either that, or play for the Spurs.
Four people in Los Angeles were charged with taking money from immigrants and staging fake naturalization ceremonies...
...Most of the victims were Koreans, Filipinos, and short stops.
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