My Picks For October 14, 2007

The Bengals over the Chiefs. If the Special Olympics had football, it would look like this game. (Yes, I'm including the coach on crutches.)

The Eagles over the Jets. And if the Special Olympics had football, this game is the one that all the Special Olympians would watch to remind themselves that there are those worse off than them.

The Bears over the Vikings. Kyle Orton sits by his phone for at least another week.

The Browns over the Dolphins. Finally! The marquis match-up we've been waiting for all season: Derek Anderson and Cleo Lemon.

The Packers over the Redskins. Jason Campbell is good. Washington has one of the best secondaries in the National Football League. BUT...They exhausted themselves beating Jesus -- I mean, Kitna -- and the Lions. And they're playing in Green Bay. And Brett Favre has the answer to the Redskins secondary:
It's called a shovel pass. And Favre has been throwing them since the 1940's.

The Titans over the Buccaneers. Coach Chucky doll (John Gruden) has done a better job with his team this year than people expected. But he's got some key players out and Tennessee is well-rested, coming off of a bye week.

The Texans over the Jaguars. Just because everyone else is picking Jacksonville.

The Rams over the Ravens. Steve McNair has officially become the black Trent Dilfer. If only the Ravens still had the same old defense. But that was many arrests ago.

The Cardinals over the Panthers. Kurt Warner vs. Vinny Testaverde. Go with the young upstart over the grizzled veteran.

The Patriots over the Cowboys. Fuck the Super Bowl. This is the Big Game of the year.

The Chargers over the Raiders. After this week's game, the last place Chargers and the first place Raiders will literally switch places in the AFC West and order will be restored in the universe. (Actually, the Broncos, with a bye week, will probably end up on the bottom. But I like the sound of that sentence).

The Saints over the Seahawks. If New Orleans loses this one, they better hope another motivational hurricane destroys the city again. That seems to get them going.

The Giants over the Falcons. Two words: Plaxico Burress. Although I almost want the Falcons to win just to prove how much they don't need Ron Mexico.

Last week I went 11-3. Let's see how I do this week.